It's amazing how fast things can change. Seven months ago I was in a secure job that paid very well, a good marriage, lived in a nice quaint suburb and was considering whether it was time to start having children, and now.... Now all I have is a secure job that doesn't pay what I had become used to making. That's life and you have to take the good with the bad. I've learned from all of this that change can come at you fast. Very fast at times.
The change that seems to surprise me the most is the change between us.... No, that's not correct. Not between us, but more in just myself. Two months ago I still believed that we would stay together and live our lives together "till death do us part." One month ago I hoped that we would stay together. Now I accept the fact that we will not stay together and that we must go our own paths. I never thought that I'd want to really be living away from you when you first suggested that idea, but now it seems that I can't get out fast enough.
I've been asked a few times now that if you changed your mind about all of this, not that I think you ever will, if I would take you back, and I find myself answering "probably not." If you changed your mind we'd have to start all over from scratch, but there are certain things that have been said about how and why we've reached this point that I just don't think we'd ever get past.
I miss us, but I try not to think about it to much. Still, there are times where I roll over and miss you being there, but I have to move on, and I'm doing just that. Just a few more steps and I'll be there. Just a few more changes.
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